Pregnancy Bloopers- The S*$% No One Told Me About

First off, I MUST apologize for the recent poor blogging showing …I have failed my readers.

But, to make it up to you, I thought I’d share some of the more memorable moments from the past few weeks.

THIS IS A WARNING.  THE BELOW CONTENT IS FILLED WITH TMI…BY READING BEYOND THIS POINT YOU AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING – THERE IS ABOSLUTELY NO JUDGING.  JUST LAUGHING, CRYING AND LEARNING A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT THE ‘JOYS’ OF PREGNANCY.

1.  Puking in a bus stop garbage can, while standing in a puddle of your own urine….bawling, all while your husband is looking at you with that deer-in-headlights look.
    yeop, thats right…remember that post earlier, about having listeria?  well, this is the part of the story that I left out.  For those of you who have gone through this whole pregnancy thing, you probably have a similar story or two.  But here I was…with my head in a very disgusting bus stop garbage, with dozens of cars driving by… and standing in a puddle of my own urine.  Talk about humiliating.  We’re not talking a tiny little trickle. No…this was full on gush. The worst part?  walking the last half mile in my wet shorts….lord.   

2. Having to keep a stash of plastic bags in your car for your daily puke
    starting at week 13-14, everyone kept saying how the nausea and puking should start to slowly go away…well they lied…and it just kept getting worse, and worse, and worse…to the point where the puking started at around 4-4:30 pm, and would continue to about 11pm…when i’d be so exhausted, that I’d eventually be able to pass out- just to be able to wake up every hour or so to continue the oh-so-glorious time.    Seeing as though I typically work until 5pm…you’d can imagine the dilemma of driving home.  A girl must be prepared.  So I had my fully stocked stash of plastic bags sitting in the passenget seat, waiting for my car ride home.  Thinking back, I wonder what the cars next to me must have thought….

3.  Learning that Frontier Airlines is the worst airline EVER and that they employe horrible people like Patty.
    My last trip for work was in July…to Atlanta.  Do you know how far Atlanta is from San Diego?  Approximately 2,140 miles…thats a long trip.   Instead of rewriting the whole story and infuriating myself further…I thought I’d just share my email to Frontier:

I am 5 months pregnant, and still get nauseous, and apparently more so on flights during take off and landing.  On the landing of my flight I got extremely nausueous.  Maybe you and your employees don’t realize, that sometimes, when you’re pregnant, and you get sick, especially as you are further along, and the baby is pushing down on your bladder, when you puke, cough, sneeze, you can also urinate.  well, i’ve learned that when I puke, I need to be in a restroom, so to not soil my pants.  So, as soon as the flight landed I ran to the toilet.  Mid-puke, an attendant, named Patty, ripped open the door, pulled me out of the bathroom shoved a bag in my hand and harshly told me to go back to my seat.  Of course, by the time I got back to my seat, I was crying, my underwear wet, and I was ready to NEVER be on another frontier airplane again.    Unfortuneatly, I had a layover and still needed to change planes, thus, needing to get back on another plane. You can probably imagine JUST how “thrilled” I was to see the exact same crew.  I took my seat, quite unhappy that I’d have to see Patty again.  After taking off, I saw her looking around the cabin.  When she saw me, she bent down and said “i have a present for you”  chuckled, and handed me another vomit bag.  THEN said “the other attendent told me that you were pregant, and thats why you dashed to the restroom”.   As I sat in my wet underwear in my seat, I found her “gift” to be rude, disrespectful, and untactful.  I was travelling for work at the time, with other co-workers…so you can imagine what I was feeling at that point.  Not too mention, how bad I felt for the person who had to sit in my previous seat, on the previous plane… I flew 2 weeks prior to this trip for a separate business trip, on Delta. The attendents on that flight were much more understanding, kind, and respectful to my needs.  That is what I expect from ALL attendents on all airlines.

4.  Sobbing in the Bathtub at 2 in the morning becuase it’s too hot, you’re sick of peeing in your bed everytime you cough, and you’ve been puking for the past 6 hours.
      I don’t know about the rest of the US, but it has been ungodly hot here in San Diego this summer. Typically, we have about 2 weeks of heat that is a little less than bearable…so we’ve never actually gotten to needing an AC.    Well, amidst the probably third week of extreme heat….after a few hours of coughing, and puking and running to the bathroom, I had just had enough.  I was hot and miserable….so i turned the tub on to cold and got in…

5. Walking with Poise…
    As if all this nauseau and puking wasn’t enough…of course, I had to catch whatever nasty cold was going around…which of course entailed a nasty, nasty cough…again, back to self-urination.  every night I’d go to bed, and when I’d start to feel a little tickle, I’d try to dash to the restroom so I could safely cough on the toilet…sometimes i’d make it, sometimes, well…i wouldn’t.  After sending Adam off, on 50 mile goose chase to hunt down the LAST AC within a 50 mile radius, doing my third load of wash, JUST to have clean underwear, I decided to take a trip to the local Rite-Aid (pharmacy/convenient store)… to buy POISE- discreet bladder control pads.  Do you know what those are?  People say they are just super absorbent pads…but NOOOOO, these things are cotton boats you stick in your underwear.  They are diapers, without side tabs.  they go from way up front, alllllllllllllll the way back.  Infact, they only fit in a few pair of my underwear…apparently bikini briefs, not meant for Poise… Well, I bought a family size pack (no they don’t call them family size, but the largest pack)….and started back home.  As I was in the cross-walk, i just started sobbing.  I really wanted my mom…I knew she would have handled this all so much better than me.   Good news is…shortly after I got home, Adam got back with a wonderful AC for our bedroom…finally, some relief.
 

6. Finding the chocolate milk…in your cupboard.
    hahahaha…and nope! wasn’t even MY pregnancy brain…though, he (to remain nameless) sure tried to play it off that way…



4. Finding melted chocolate in your bra after getting home from work.
    not much else to be said about his one…i eat chocolate…i wear a bra.

5. Dipping your over sized tots in BBQ sauce
    and i’m not talking the fried potatoe tots… THEY JUST KEEPING GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER AND BIGGER AND BIGGER AND BIGGER… and why do they change color?

7 thoughts on “Pregnancy Bloopers- The S*$% No One Told Me About

  1. oh goodness. it does just get worse and worse. you are making me so grateful that i had such easy breezy pregnancies. you poor thing. well, keep some of those poise around… after pregnancy you need them too. 🙂 and they do say if you freeze a few with some water in them, they make good ice packs for your privates. i didn't try that, but it is a fab idea. oh the joys. listen, it will all be over and will all be worth it. and maybe you will be blessed to give birth to a non-puker. fiver years later and i'm still cleaning up puke on a semi regular basis. 🙂 love and lots of kisses to you and adam.

  2. oh i'll have to keep that ice idea in mind…especially if this things ends up being almost 11lbs like her daddy!!! oinks! 12 weeks, 2 days until due date….not sure if i am excited or completely freaked out. either way…can't wait to meet her!!

  3. Oh my gosh girl, you are having such a hard time. I definitely can say that I didn't have most of these problems. 😦 Hopefully you really are feeling better these days, so that you can enjoy, at least, part of this pregnancy. As you know I got horrendously sick at the end of mine and it was a nightmare, but I didn't have the peeing issue. I might have completely lost it at that point.AND to your last comment here, well, I was so nervous up until the day came. I was incredibly excited about meeting L.L. that I didn't have time to get scared. All the anxiety I had the 10 months prior went out the window. xo

  4. ahhhhhhh!!!!! YAY!!! how did you finally make it work? for the most part I am totally feeling better. Starting to feel a bit weighed down, but I'll take that over the other stuff. However, I dont want to be on the meds the rest of the time…so I am trying togo off them this weekend. Wish me luck.

  5. Oh my gosh, I REALLY hope it all works out for you without the meds!I'm not really sure why it started working. I tried Firefox again and then the profile finally worked, then I got to captcha, and boom! There it was – yippee! Before I would hit publish and my text would disappear and that was it. Weird.

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