^^^after holding a squishy one month old today, i needed this^^^

^^^…tutu courtesy of the lovely susan yee^^^

yes…thank god for tutus…and for once in my life, i’m not referring to the girlie-twirly fashion statement that i personally feel EVERY girl should own (and ROCK) on a regular basis…i’m talking about the tutus that fly out for a mama’s surgery to take care of her.

i’m gonna be honest…life after surgery…not that easy.  physically, it’s a bit challenging…but it’s nothing compared to how emotionally hard i’ve taken it.  for crying outloud…it’s just ankle surgery.  not cancer, or something life threatening…i got hurt playing soccer…which i fully expect to return to (after the year long rehab….)…but like i eluded to in my previous post – having babies complicates things.

i think the hardest part of the whole deal (and i have taken ZERO narcotics for the pain) is the fact that i can no longer just pick up immi and go…  it’s pretty hard carrying a baby with crutches.  if anyone knows how to do it, please send me a tutorial…and i’ll be forever grateful.  i’ve had a few mommy melt downs…the biggest one being while watching dad dancing and twirling around with immi…and she was just squeaaaaaaaaaaaaling with delight.  that smile.  i would do anything for that smile… but i couldn’t do that.  and yes, i was having a self pity party, and feeling sorry for myself…blah blah blah…  and yes, i know that this will be a blip in time later in life…BUT thats the other thing that just makes this so hard.  this time in her life is just a blip.  this wanting- needing- to be carried and held all the time.  i know that won’t last forever…i know that THIS time is so limited…so when people tell me, it’s just a blip – it kills me. i already sometimes can’t catch my breath at how quickly she just speeds along in life…and now, I AM wishing the days go faster, so i can be done with this healing process, and still wishing the days would slow down…talk about internal battles!  but anyways, back to being thankful.

my mama, immi’s tutu (thats grandma in Hawaii) came out to take care of me.  i can’t even begin to explain the ease of mind one has when mom is there to make soup, tuck you in…and help you wash your hair (and drive you here and there and everywhere).  thank you tutu…we (especially me) miss you already.