le. sigh.  this moment seems so long ago, and yet, like it was 10 minutes ago.  a squishy little ball.  she seems so much older now, yet it’s been no more than a couple of months since she’s entered our lives.  for me, going back to work isn’t hard becuase i am worried about her…i have too many wonderfully loving people in my life willing to love her while i’m away…rather it’s hard, because i’m afraid of missing out on something.  just seeing how much she’s has changed and developed in such a short amount of time…i know that each moment i am away from her, she is developing, changing, growing… that both breaks my heart and excites me all at the same time.  this “mom thing” is a crazier adventure than i could have ever have imagined.  i have never been so angry about time passing so fast…never been so happy to see someone poop (after 24 hours of no poop)…
but, i’m back to work.  1 week down.  i’m only back 3 days a week until august.  i work for an awesome company that is letting me take my time coming back, and understands me needing to ease my way back in.  for me, the second day back was hardest.  adam was home the first day, so it was a little like i was just running to the store or going to play soccer…but on the second day, she was going to spend the day down at Nana’s with rylie and cynthia.  i knew that she was going to be well cared for and spoiled with love, but, there was something about her leaving ME that was emotionally harder for me to handle.  maybe it’s because i know that deep down that may have been the first, but definitely not the last time, she was going to leave me.  
though it’s a little hard for me to admit without feeling somewhat guilty, i think i am/will enjoy being back at the office.  the days FLY by, and it is nice to feel somewhat productive (not that I don’t feel productive being at home…that’s an entirely different feeling of productivity).
someone posted a story on FB that seriously took the words straight out of my soul.  Instead of making this blog post super long, please take a minute to go here to read it…BecomingAmom.     

2 thoughts on “stop.

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